So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
