Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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