you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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