Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
