i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
