it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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