I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
