can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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