Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
