I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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