Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
