When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
