you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think my moral compass just broke
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
