EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
