Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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