peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
