Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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