The maid of honor just puked.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
