Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize