She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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