She went from zero to smokin in five shots
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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