this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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