the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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