You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
