Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
