i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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