My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
