when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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