Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
