I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
