i permit you to call me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
