I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
