I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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