Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
