sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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