I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
