oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
