$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
