you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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