I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
