Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
