roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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