Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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