He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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