Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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