Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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