He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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