Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
