Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
