he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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