Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
