That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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