Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
