How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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