See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
