i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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