I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
