I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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