NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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