don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
