Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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