It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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