found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
