my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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