She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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