You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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