I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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