Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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