So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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