So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
