the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
