god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
