I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
