our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize